Charlie Brown Christmas

I'm working a day/evening shift at work tonight. It's interesting to say the least. When first put in a situation where I have to deal with the general public directly, I withdraw, and become unsure of myself. After two minutes of public anxiety related issues I begin to hate everyone around me. This will continue for awhile, until I am forced to handle everyone solo. Like magic, this new person comes out of me. I'm confident, sweet, outgoing, social, and I like to talk. Who is this person? I know it's me, but it feels like me from long ago, before life and I started hockey punching each other. I begin to enjoy my mood. Not necessarily because I enjoy being that way, I enjoy seeing the way others react to me being that way. The lighten up. They have smiles on their faces. They say please and thank you OH HOW I MISS PEOPLE SAYING PLEASE AND THANK YOU! Working at a hotel front desk, you really can change people's mood. I guess that's why I'm so good at it. I'm good at pretending everything is fucking fantastic.

Regardless though, things really are fucking fantastic. I completed my first tattoo from start (drawing the design, making the stencil) to finish (highlights, cleanup, bandaging it up). Everyone that sees it can't believe it's my first. They say it looks professionally done, which is a huge compliment but it's all going to my head lately. In the past that would have been a bad thing, but lately I'm really fueled by the encouragement. I completed the tattoo in about an hour, maybe 90 minutes. Today I added a few touch ups I thought could use some attention, and added a purple glow around her to make it stand out. It's Hello Kitty posing as the Maneki Neko Lucky Cat you see in most Chinese places. I've been a Hello Kitty fan since I was teeny tiny, in fact, I have a picture of myself when I was two or so, in a hello kitty jumpsuit. I may have been a Japanese teenage girl in a past life, but fuck it, I love the hello kitty cuteness. It really is a soft spot for me, and it makes me feel good to have it on me now. I really feel this is a new stage of my life. My life as a tattoo artist, and having the life I've been working to obtain. I'm leaving my childish things behind, but I wanted to hold onto one.

Other then that, playing the World of Warcraft. I just transferred my character to a new server and times are fun. The new guild is a huge raiding guild but they all seem nice and dorky. My favorite old time friend is on that server, so I really hope I can help support him WoW healing style.

So, about the title of this blog; I hate Christmas music. I'm really not that big of a Xmas peron in general. Part of that being that I'm a semi-aggresive atheist and all this Jesus stuff makes me want to barf. The other part is that I havne't ever really had a good Christmas since I was 7 maybe 8. That was before my parents split up. I remember my wicked stepmother trying to get a tree and do up the holiday family style. She did try, I will give her that, however her rages and her abuse didn't fit the season quite right. Things always seemed out of place after my parents weren't together. I guess I never really thought about that, or wanted to admit it. I'm not one of those people that thinks mom and dad need to be together for the family to be happy, it just never was. Christmas was the first holiday my dad forgot to call me three years ago. I haven't heard from him since, and he always forgets everyday that could possibly be important to me. Not even my birthday. I had a birthday issue recently, and I think I know why my birthday is a big deal to me. It's not that I want it to be all about me, oh no. It my Christmas replacement. It's close to Xmas, I get gifts, and people seem way happier on that day. A Charlie Brown Christmas is playing on the radio at the hotel. Quick, get me a dilapadated tiny tree and a yack bag.

That's enough out of me tonight. I'll be back tomorrow.