Night 7

So I’m working tonight and tomorrow night. For the third year in a row I’ll be working on New Years Eve, which isn’t really that big of a deal. I don’t know if I can make it to midnight without caffeine anyways. Lately, thanks to a certain medicine I’m taking, I’m sleepy all the time, except for when I’m at work. I’ve noticed that when I’m tired at work time goes by even slower, so I think staying active is my way of preventing nights that drag ass. That’s the worst I think; being so sleepy during night audit and time goes by slower then it usually does. I like to talk too, so when I work and have no one to talk to it kills me. I feel bad for whoever comes in the next morning because I’m starved for conversation and I talk a mile a minute. I’ve also noticed that I seem to feel more creative during the wee hours of the night, but nothing too constructive. Quite the opposite actually, I feel destructive, and I creatively think of new ways to draw/graffiti on random items. I haven’t done anything yet, although I had a really great idea that involved the spiral staircase and highlighters.

So yeah, New Years, time for resolutions? No, you won’t find a list here. I’ve never made New Year resolutions, although towards the end of November this year, I told myself that this upcoming year would absolutely have to be better. I went through so much in a single year and I learned that life isn’t fair. I was with my boyfriend when his father passed away on Thanksgiving and I went through hell when I was raped 3 days later. I suffered through exams and interview after interview only to try to overdose on my prescribed Klonopin to end the cycle I knew was getting me no where. I dropped charges on a rapist so I could move forward. I felt what it’s like to carry a child, and I felt what it’s like to loose that in a matter of minutes. I’ve carried my mother through trial after trial of her husband’s alcoholism, and I stood up to him several times which has lead to us not talking anymore. I lost my relationships with Flesh Dad (biological father) and Stand-In Dad (stepfather). My boyfriend broke up with me, which lead to me frantically trying to slash my wrist with a wine opener. He took me back after months of solid therapy and promises as well as instant changes on my part. Lastly, I recently ended a streak of unemployment that could not be broken. All in a year, I should be dead or crazy but I’m surprisingly okay and sane.

This New Year is already looking up. I was recently offered a second job at a resort in the area that I’ll be starting the second week of January. I’ll be able to keep this night audit position at the same time, which will be good. I have plans to really make some headway on my tattooing, and I have arranged to drive a couple hours a week to learn from the guy that originally mentored me. My boyfriend and I are getting along well, and communicating better everyday. Things are looking up and I’m thankful for that. My birthday is coming up as well. I would like to go to LA but I think I pissed off one of my friends that lives there and I won’t be able to go until he emails me back. I would feel weird heading down there not knowing if he’s okay with me or not. I have plans to get tattooed for my birthday so maybe that will be all I’ll do this year. I usually love birthdays and I try to do fun stuff for it, but this year it seems that when I plan things something happens, someone forgets, or I screw up and it doesn’t seem to be working out. Maybe I should just let it go and see what happens…